Alright, warning: very cliche “happy mothers day” content to follow.
My boob-lump-finding-day was exactly a week after Mother’s Day 2012. I can’t believe it was nearly a year ago when a quick shower turned my life upside-down and completely changed the trajectory of my future, unbeknownst to me at the time (and still somewhat unbeknownst to me at this time!). I don’t particularly remember what I did or said to my mom or the other mothers in my life last year. I think I was pretty wrapped up in what I thought was creating a life with my future husband and hoping to start a family. I was so excited to join the Mom Club, I think I went through about 5 packages of pregnancy tests during the two months before I found The Lump. It’s wild for me to think that if things had gone “as planned,” I’d be celebrating my first Mother’s Day as a mom this year. I do believe that although this year of sickness, recovery, loss, grief, betrayal and rebuilding has been trying (to put it mildly), I know that I have grown leaps and bounds as a person and therefore will be a better wife and mom when my time comes.
Let me get back on point. The impetus for writing this post is to say thank you to my mom and all of the other moms vital to my life this past year. Even if we only grabbed a coffee in the recent past, or hung out with your crazy kids for an hour, or you sent me a card of encouragement, you are a mom I am thankful for!
I am thankful that my mom and Mooie and soon-to-be mom Kristin insisted on being with me every step of the way, even when I thought I wanted go it alone, or be alone with my significant other. I am thankful for all of the moms who watched me go through the phases of cancer treatment and did not look away when I showed them my new scars, my new (smaller) boob, the hair falling out of my head, my bald head, or who witnessed my struggle during the days following each chemo administration and just loved me more for it. Thank you to those moms who sympathized with my burned boob and ridiculously sore and sensitive nipple during and after radiation, the discomfort from which lasted much longer than I anticipated. I appreciate all of the moms who ignored right along with me the dismantling of my relationship, something I naively thought wasn’t possible and regardless, couldn’t face until I had no other choice.
Thank you to all of my mom friends for lending your mom-abilities to me, for propping me up when all I wanted to do was crumple to the ground. I doubt I’d feel like such a whole and happy person today if you, as a collective, hadn’t lent me your ear, or so freely given your words of wisdom and support.